Not all who wonder are lost ...

I am sitting here drinking raspberry tea and I really should sleep. But its one of those nights where rest proves more allusive then I would have desired.

The past week has been a very eventful one. Gabe, Michelle's friend from AC 12 came down from London to visit, and we all went out to eat at a perfectly dreadful pizzeria in Summertown. It was very nice to see him, although it doesn't seem as if he is integrating well here in England. He had the look that I remember so very well from my freshman year. That lost look. I hope he finds his place. It was weird seeing him though, and being reminded of sophomore year in all its glory.

The biggest event this week was of course the election, which was a chaos that I will remember for the rest of my life. We stayed at the Oxford Union until 530am, drinking godawful Budweisers and cheering at the exit polls. And when 4am finally arrived and it was announced that Obama was in, such a great cheer rose up that I had to stand on the radiator to save myself from crushing. And it was glorious. Patriotic and hopeful and everything that you are cynical about until something great happens to make you believe again. "This is our moment," he said. Well, I sincerely hope that it is. Time, and God, will tell.

Winter here is setting in, and the days disintegrate at an alarming rate after 330pm. The lighting is dark and gray, but I haven't really been minding it. Jeff's basil plant might not make it though. Biking in the rain has been interesting, and mildly exhilarating. I like the wind and raindrops on my face.

I am devoting time each week to spend either at Blackwells or at a relaxing cafe, either to people watch or pray or read or do nothing but breathe. I did that today before my meeting with Debbie about next term, and it was lovely.

The group went to Wales on Friday, accompanied by "Chaps" or Alan Chapman. It was beautiful, we visited an old abbey that Sara and Dad would've loved. It was...like something pulled from a memory. Stone and damp and so alive. Full of secrets, as if it had been sprung up from the Earth. But breathtakingly beautiful and intricate. The Welsh Living Museum was also interesting, but in a different way. I liked the sheep with black faces. My favorite part were the gardens and the Castle. I wondered away from the group and just walked around, discovering nooks and crannies. I wish Sara had been there.

And now it is fourth week and I will be home soon. I had a pint earlier at the Rose and Crown with Ashley, and we reasserted that this is OUR year. I have joined the orchestra, the chapel, and a U8 student research group on health policy in Burma. I am loving everything I am doing.

And Fayyaz, you might wonder? Part time lover, full time friend....we made dinner today and watched Die Hard. It is so easy. The voice in my head keeps telling me that the bottom will fall out soon. But that voice is getting fainter. God always know what He does.

I will write more soon. Now it might finally be time for bedforshire. I believe it is. <3>

If all the world prayed...

Another week almost come and gone - the time passes so fast here, its unsettling. Still, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Halloween went well and it was a perfect time to spend in Oxford. Michelle and I went on a ghost tour that left on Broad Street and snaked around by the Radcliffe Camera and into High Street. It reminded me so of last October and the many places that Erik and I went to during that month. Sleepy Hollow, the Hudson, and the like. But this was different. Better. Afterwards, Ashley and I got Hassans, my new favorite place in the world, and walked through St. Giles Cemetery together.

Last night was the election party at the Oxford Union. All of us Americans there to ring in history, and it was great that Obama won at 4am. I cried with Ashley during John McCain's concession speech, but I don't know why. He reminded me of home, I feel.

My tutorial went well today with Gillian. I wish I knew what to do next term, or even beyond that. I wish I knew the road that God wants me to take. This has been occupying my thoughts considerably in the last few weeks. The question of my definition. Of what defines me. I wish I knew. At home I am the reader and the writer. At Sarah Lawrence I was the Christian girl, which I think was often meant as an insult. I don't know what I am here. I don't feel like I fit in all the time. Hardly ever actually. But I'm being myself. I just wish I knew what that was. I think Michelle worries that I am integrating better than her - this is not the case. But I am taking things as they come and I'm not worrying about them. Praying about them, yes. I feel both close and absent from God here. I know its not the location but myself. God never turns away from us.

Oh and Fayyaz and I are lovely. Which is lovely. Obviously.

My theme music for this blog is Debussy's Claire de Lune. It reminds me of dawn, for some reason. Listen to it. <3

"If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
you right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:7-10.