Another week almost come and gone - the time passes so fast here, its unsettling. Still, I'm enjoying every minute of it.
Halloween went well and it was a perfect time to spend in Oxford. Michelle and I went on a ghost tour that left on Broad Street and snaked around by the Radcliffe Camera and into High Street. It reminded me so of last October and the many places that Erik and I went to during that month. Sleepy Hollow, the Hudson, and the like. But this was different. Better. Afterwards, Ashley and I got Hassans, my new favorite place in the world, and walked through St. Giles Cemetery together.
Last night was the election party at the Oxford Union. All of us Americans there to ring in history, and it was great that Obama won at 4am. I cried with Ashley during John McCain's concession speech, but I don't know why. He reminded me of home, I feel.
My tutorial went well today with Gillian. I wish I knew what to do next term, or even beyond that. I wish I knew the road that God wants me to take. This has been occupying my thoughts considerably in the last few weeks. The question of my definition. Of what defines me. I wish I knew. At home I am the reader and the writer. At Sarah Lawrence I was the Christian girl, which I think was often meant as an insult. I don't know what I am here. I don't feel like I fit in all the time. Hardly ever actually. But I'm being myself. I just wish I knew what that was. I think Michelle worries that I am integrating better than her - this is not the case. But I am taking things as they come and I'm not worrying about them. Praying about them, yes. I feel both close and absent from God here. I know its not the location but myself. God never turns away from us.
Oh and Fayyaz and I are lovely. Which is lovely. Obviously.
My theme music for this blog is Debussy's Claire de Lune. It reminds me of dawn, for some reason. Listen to it. <3
"If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
you right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:7-10.
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